Many Goodbyes

On Thursday of this week, I got home particularly exhausted. I sent a long voice memo to a friend. It very accurately describes the incredible highs and lows of my work this year. So below is an edited transcript of the message:

“I just had a really long day and I need to talk about my day out loud because I haven’t been able to talk about it and I feel just like in my head. We had over 800 people for the first time in awhile. Usually we’ve had around 300-400 so 800 is a lot a lot. It was pretty smooth throughout the day, we have a lot more staff than we used to, so it felt pretty manageable. But after 4pm most of our staff were gone. I didn’t leave until 5:30, because I literally couldn’t, there were things to be done and no one else to do them. That always just feels really exhausting especially at the end of the day. I had something to go to with my housemates so I could not stay later. Usually if I’m able to stay later until like 7 or 8 I come home feeling energized. There is more of a sense of accomplishment.

Ow, I’m petting a cactus and it just poked me.

But I had to leave and so I just felt really, like so tired and done.

I had so many really sweet interactions with people today. I got a little note from a coworker today, left under my water bottle that was all decorated and said “You are Beautiful.”

There was this guy when we were serving dinner that walked past me. I had talked to him earlier in the day and I didn’t remember that he spoke much English, but when he walked past me he chanted “Dinner crew, dinner crew” in his thick Indian accent. It was just the funniest thing. I’m not usually expecting to hear English around me at work so it took me a second to register the English words. And then I just burst out laughing and he looked back because he knew what he had done. It was so funny.

A 3yo’s hand reached up to hold mine while I try to explain to a group of parents how to buy plane tickets.

I was introduced to a man named Luis by a coworker at one point. He is deaf and illiterate so my coworker was having trouble communicating with him and Luis was getting frustrated. I led him to the main room where we could have a bit more space and motioned for his phone and if there was someone I could call. I ended up talking to his sister over the phone and sent pictures of the space to her describing what different things were and where Luis could get different resources. And then she signed to him over a video call. Throughout this whole interaction he was still pretty reserved. Later in the day he signaled me over with some more questions about buying plane tickets and I could tell he was much more relaxed. It felt good to be able to connect with him, at least in a minimally functional way, through a triple language barrier.

Now, I’m crying. Why am I crying?

That was my day. It was a lot. I am so tired now. I walked a little over 4 miles today just inside the building. By the end of the day, when people are talking to me in different languages I just can’t make sense of anything anymore. It’s so hard for me to form cohesive sentences especially in Spanish. It was just a really tiring day.

I’m really sad about leaving my work. And at the same time I can’t keep doing this, it’s so intense. It’s really hard to make sense of all that.”

This week has been full of goodbyes. On Sunday we hosted the support committee at our house for dinner, games, and sharing. They participated in the inaugural MVS Amazing Race, where we had set up a series of challenges based on things we have had to do this year. It was really special to celebrate an incredible year with the people who made us feel welcomed, cared for, and loved throughout our time in Tucson.

We said goodbye to our Program Coordinator and her family over dinner and games at their house one last time. Lisa thank you for so completely supporting us this year. I miss you and the family already.

Casa Alitas held a party this weekend for me and the two other volunteers that will be leaving in the next month. The sweetest gift I received was from a volunteer named Larry. His niche at Casa Alitas is making packages of snacks for people to take when they head to the airport. Larry gifted each of the three of us with a little travel pack.

The theme of all of these goodbyes has been being showered with affirmations, blessings, and struggling to have the words to express my gratitude back at this community that has cared for me so fully.

Three more days of work, lots of packing, and a few more goodbyes left before I leave Tucson on Sunday.